


After Cas

by Annie_Is_A_Contranym



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-10-23
Updated: 2013-10-23
Packaged: 2017-12-30 06:49:35
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 504
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1015463
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Annie_Is_A_Contranym/pseuds/Annie_Is_A_Contranym
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Tiny ficlet on Dean's thoughts after asking Cas to leave the bunker.</p>
            </blockquote>





	After Cas

Dean gripped the edges of the porcelain sink hard, staring at the little patterns of rust that had begun to bubble on the outer rim of the drain. His palms felt sweaty against the cool smoothness of the porcelain. He could hear how uneven and loud his breathing sounded in the close confines of the bathroom.  His heart was not racing but rather seemed to have succumbed to some manner of arrhythmia. Fuck. He could do this. It had been three days since Cas left. No…not left, but was made to leave. Damn those big blue eyes!

A wave of nausea trickled through him. This was improvement. Yesterday it had flowed through him; the day before that it had flooded through him. The look in Cas’s eyes man, as he explained to his best friend, why he couldn’t stay in the bunker with them…his own eyes started burning and his view of the drain started blurring. That look had slayed him.

Then the look in Sammy’s eyes as he explained what went down with Cas.  The disbelief, the total lack of understanding, the hurt…it was too much to bear on top of what he was feeling himself. _‘Dean…this is Cas! We could have figured it out. We always figure it out’._ So he’d looked away. And when he looked back, Sam looked away. They hadn’t seen each other’s eyes since.

Kevin’s eyes had been filled with anger. He hadn’t said a word but Dean could hear his own words tossed back at him. “ _We’re family!_ ” He’d named Cas. He’d listed Cas and Kevin as being the only family he and Sam had left. Kevin said nothing but the accusatory tilt of his head, slightly back and to the side, the tears threatening to spill from his eyes and the tight pursing of his lips had all but screamed at Dean. _“LIAR!”_ Dean wanted to explain to Kevin, to make him understand but he could find no words. He just looked pleadingly at him, asking for understanding but Kevin too looked away and hadn’t looked at him since.

So here he was, in the bathroom’ wondering what he’d become, what was to become of him, of them. There was one more set of eyes to face. Would they look at him with understanding? With recognition of the reasons for the choices he’s had to make? Would this gaze be the one that received him, that didn’t glance away because they couldn’t stand the sight of him?

He drummed his fingers against the porcelain. Then, rolling his shoulders back to ease some of the tenseness that had seized his muscles, he twisted his head and neck to the side until he heard the staggered cracking sounds and felt the accompanying relief.  A deep shaky breath in and a slow smooth breath out and it was now or never. Dean lifted his head and met the reflection of his steeled green eyes in the mirror.

(Written for [my tumblr](http://annienmilton.tumblr.com/). Hope you liked it.)


End file.
